By: David T.
High On Life
I wasn’t planning on writing this so I don’t know what I have to say on Willingness. When I looked the meaning up it had two definitions of willing: inclined or ready to do something.
What is willingness to me? I guess for me it’s to do… When I first got here it was going to meetings, finding a home group, getting a sponsor, etc. it wasn’t easy for me to do, like many of you I had many years of using to let go of and it took some time, but in the end I did these things and more. I stuck around long enough to learn that getting these things was just the beginning and that I had to do something with them. Eventually, I started setting up my home groups Informational Pamphlets (IP’s), I also called my sponsor. The thing is that when I did call him it was “Hey, I’m alive. Talk to you later.” And if he didn’t hear from me for weeks at a time he didn’t chase after me. He told me that I had to be willing to call him.
I remember that I didn’t say a word for that first year until I was forced to speak. I didn’t know what to say or if I had anything to say, what I said was “I’m David and I am an addict.” That was it. It was the first time I had said that out loud. It was at that time that I believe that willingness kicked in. Thank you Suzanne. At that point I started sharing in meetings, not a lot just where I was at or how I was feeling. I read the readings, especially the ,reading. I started calling my sponsor more often and we would talk for fifteen minutes at first and over time that grew into thirty and even longer and we talked about the steps and where I was at and how I was feeling. That’s right I even had the willingness to work the steps. I had the willingness to do what I had to to get clean.
Five years ago with ten plus years clean I had to learn another lesson in willingness. I had to shut down my homegroup and find a new sponsor. I did both. At that time I had the willingness to step out of my safety zone thanks to my sponsor and I have been doing service work on multiple fronts.
Today, I have been around long enough to realize that I have to be willing to others what was given to me by others in the program. See, for me with willingness comes honesty, open mindedness, trust, and humility.
Today, I have the willingness to do whatever it takes not only to get clean but to stay clean. I hope you do too.